Ryuntal

Cry, cry, that's all I fucking do. Why is my heart filled with pain? Why is my head filled with doubt? How come when I hit my low points I just want to die? I know I'm worthless, I always have been. I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of being the one who cares. I know how weak I truly am. I'm tired of hiding it. I need to change.  But where do I start? I don't know how to forgive... The ones who've hurt me, scared me, changed me. I don't mean to be a screw up. I just am... I know I'm defective. I know I'm stupid. Stop pretending like you give a Damn! It's impossible for me to be like you. Always so optimistic and happy go lucky. I

Have you ever been to the edge? It's such an indescribable feeling. The brink of death. So much I still don't understand. I wasn't trying this time, but I want to know. The uncertainty drives me insane. The never ending urge to know. Endlessly knawing at my mind. I NEED TO KNOW! What's on the other side? What keeps me here? How am I conscious? Why am I conscious? I just want to scream. A crash that should have killed me. But I walk away without a scratch. Why? Why does death keep taunting me!? It hurts...I can't comprehend my existence. Always gotta know. Everything needs an answer. What keeps me here? What am I supposed to do? Why doe

What will become of me as my sanity slowly dwindles? Slowly the darkness gnawing and slashing its way to the surface. Using my pain and stress as fuel. I feel it, one day I'm going to snap. I can feel it inside me, screaming.  FUCK IT!  FUCK THEM ALL!  THEY'RE  OF SHIT! I barely remember a day when I didn't have the urge to destroy something in frustration.  My restraint fading, being blunt you call it. Personally I no longer care how you rationalize it. I'll burn every last fucking bridge, I don't care. You see what I'm becoming? A psychopath. Lock me up.  Fit me for a straight jacket. Forget about me. Kill

I don't fear death But I don't want to die now Finally my life is going well But my mind is decaying I'm becoming decrepit But still I fight my insanity I want to be alone But I want her company I want to see them again But their gone I want to show them I'm not a fuck up But deep down inside I still feel like one I throw on a smile to show them I'm okay But I'm dying on the inside They see so much strength But I can only see weakness I put on this mask of intimidation to hide my tears But I'm still a scared child I pretend like it never mattered But I'll never get over losing them Hoping death connects us again But I can't lose the connectio

"Never meet your idols you'll only end up disappointed." I didn't just get to meet mine, I got to live with mine. I got to slowly come to hate my idol. In only two years the man I strived to be all my life became the person I distain most. I let myself be mentally and physically abused because I thought he was right and I wanted to please him. After each argument I'd seek to repair the damage and act the way he told me I should. I finally realized that I no longer want to be like him, a lonely alcoholic wallowing in self pity. Too much pride to admit he is depressed or has a problem. I no longer value his opinion in any way, shape, or form.

One simple request that has been asked multiple times. "Please treat my equipment with respect." Every time I ask it's met with conflict. Why is it so much to  that you don'thaphazardly move or place random shit on my percussion equipment? But every time I say something it ends in you screaming in my face. 2 years I've periodically dealt with everything being my fault. How much longer am I passively deal with it? Why is it when you're angry, frustrated, or even mildly upset with anything butit's justified and when I am not perfectly okay I'm being ridiculous?All you do is drink and play league baseball of legends. Meanwhile I'mpracticing, cle

Born in a roaring blaze Chaos, full of energy, embracing light Growing, dancing, breathing Life from a simple spark Born from nothing Destined to return to nothing Deminishing, full of so much potential Halted momentum Slowly fading Stoke the coals Rekindle a fraction of what used to be A small burst of energy The last hoora  Falling again, accepting what's soon to come A painful truth As the fire's breathes begin to diminish The darkness begins creeping in again A heartbeat, slowly dying The last bit of life begins to fade Another perception lost to us all

A lost demon wondering scared of his own shadow He hides himself to blend in it doesn't work, his scales still reveal who...what he is Beaten down and abused constantly One day it was too much...he reverted  Only to protect himself After he fought of those who attacked him...he collapsed He tried to stay strong knowing he was in defense  But in the end all he could do was cry He couldn't forgive himself for hurting someone Although no one messed messed with the lonely demon after that... He was no longer something to be hated He was now something to be feared.

Fear and jealousy can be a terrible thing If you let it consume you that is We all have our fears and doubts But I'm convinced we can be better than that Even when we are hurt Lose our way And forget our trust in others The part of us that wants to trust remains It takes some time searching But there is someone out there Someone who will open your eyes again And help you love again My eyes have been opened And my mind cleared I've found the other piece The piece that has made me whole